There is a voice in our head that keeps talking to us and has the power to set the direction in which we move ahead in our life. The words used by this voice are often strong and define how we feel about ourselves. The key to our well-being depends largely on the quality of this inner dialogue that either builds our spirit with praise or breaks it with criticism.
Very often the voice of our inner-critic pops up and does not silence itself easily. How often have you caught yourself judging and harshly criticizing yourself in your own mind? Especially in challenging times filled with confusion, failure, rejection, guilt and low self-esteem this inner-critic can be very active and very strong.
Here are three steps to help you deal with the relentless inner-critic and shift to more nourishing self-talk :
- Awareness – Being aware of the presence of your “inner-critic” and acknowledging the impact it has on your confidence and emotional wellness is the first step. Imagine the inner-critic as a guest who has walked in without your conscious permission into your precious mind space and wants to stay and slay! When the language of criticism and judgement starts filling your thoughts say to yourself “I am aware of this old pattern of thoughts that do not support me. I am willing to shift my thoughts to a more positive space now.” Globally renowned metaphysical teacher and best-selling author Louise Hay, would even say aloud “Out!” to show the door to these demotivating thoughts and refuse to let the unwanted guest stay in her invaluable mind space. Which words would you like to use to banish the relentless inner-critic?
- Shift to a more supportive stream of thoughts – However poorly you may see yourself in any situation it is important to remember that you are doing your best. Louise says, “With the knowledge, awareness and understanding that you had at that time you were doing your best. If you knew better or more, you would have done something differently. So be kind to yourself and forgive yourself.” It is easy for your present time avatar to look back and judge the old avatar that did not do well or failed to meet expectations or made a mistake. Be gentle with that old self and focus on what could be the next best thing you could do. Gently affirming to yourself with the words “It is okay to feel how I feel. I choose to be gentle to myself. I am willing to look at the next best baby step I could take now” Being a part of the solution rather than replaying the problem will silence the inner-critic.
- Build a foundation of positive, supportive and nourishing self-talk – To avoid activating the inner-critic often, build a habit of self-approval and self-acceptance as the foundation of your life. How you think about yourself matters more than you can imagine! This habit requires being kind and gentle to yourself especially when the going gets tough. Ask yourself whose words and voice does your inner-critic mimic? Is it the voice of your parents, spouse, children, other family members, close friends, boss, co-workers? It is amazing to see how we catch on the phrases, tone, feelings of disappointment and even hatred that others offer us. Set yourself free from all this verbal clutter. How others perceive you is their journey. Loving and approving of yourself is important for creating positive, lasting changes in your life.
